I began working in the adult services industry in 1975. My first massage job was at a parlor on 15th street in Austin called Michelle’s. Back then there was no such thing as massage therapy school. In order to get a license you had to go to the health department and apply for a health card. The Health Department would draw blood and check to see if you had any communicable diseases. If not, they would send you a health card. Then you had to take your health card to the police department and let them take your finger prints so the police could check to make sure you didn't have a record for prostitution. After proving you didn’t have any communicable diseases and you had never been arrested for prostitution, the police would interview you to make sure nobody was forcing you to be a masseuse:
“Is there somebody making you do this?” The police officer asked me.
“No sir!” I replied.
“Are you married?” He inquired.
“No! I am single.” I said.
“What makes you think you want to do this?” He continued to probe.
“I've heard the money is really good and I need to make more money!” I explained.
“You are sure that nobody is making you do this?” He persisted.
“Yes sir! This is my choice and by my choice only!” I assured him.
Once I had answered all of his questions sufficiently, and he was convinced I was not being forced into prostitution, the stern serious look on my interrogating officer’s face softened. “Okay the, if you are SURE you really want to do this, I can’t stop you from getting a massage license. Which parlor would you like to work for?” He asked.
“Michelle’s.” I said.
“Your license will be there in about two weeks.” He said.
Sending licenses to parlors instead of ladies caused a lot of problems that I cover in detail in my book. Suffice it to say that licenses belonged to both the ladies and the parlors. Ladies couldn't quit and go to work elsewhere without obtaining another license. Most masseuses dreaded going through the finger printing and interrogation process. Parlors couldn't find enough ladies who were willing to do it, so they allowed ladies to start working if they got a health card and claimed a massage license was on the way. But many of them never went to the police department. And others couldn't get a license because they had been arrested for prostitution. Ladies with licenses resented having to compete with ladies who didn't have licenses. Disputes arose between the parlors and ladies over who got to keep licenses when a lady quit. The system quickly devolved into a wild wild west show of epic proportions. To make a long story short...
Massage has always been the medium I have used to make sure my work stays legal. Although it is my opinion that the moral laws are unconstitutionally vague, broad and over-reaching. To challenge the laws against prostitution in court would be an extremely stressful and expensive process, and you could lose. My aim has always been to stay under the radar. It's easy if you understand the letter of the law and how it works, because a precedent was set making it legal to include sexual favors with massages, as long as nothing extra is charged. I had the law memorized, I understood it, and I found it quite easy to work legally.
After twenty years of being in the business I was burned out, weary, and extremely bored with my work. I needed and wanted do to something that was more creative and challenging. By then the hobby horses had begun to use the internet to establish industry standards. The aim was to make sure that adult service providers offered a high quality satisfying uniform experience that could always be counted on. Men cherish a sense of entitlement. But some of them are a whole lot more flexible than others, and the onus is on service providers to make sex great for everybody. As the universe would have it, customers who want to pay the least are usually the hardest to accommodate. Nobody wants to spend money with someone who doesn't enjoy the work. Sometimes, however, the only thing there is to enjoy is a donation.
Because of technological bullying, sex worker were becoming more and more terrified of getting a bad review that would put them out of business. Women had to become really good actresses to survive. They were in business to put on an excellent private show for anyone who could afford the pay the price. One bad review could have a devastating impact. You might have to leave town and create a new identity.
In the movie Moulin Rouge, which was about an Indian Tantric Temple, the actress Nicole Kidman said, "Men pay me to make them believe what they want to believe!"
Something troubles me deeply about enabling men who pay women for acting like nymphomaniacs and pretending they are possessed by demons of lust, to believe they are fabulous lovers when they are not. Even if I had been a good actress, that role is not for me. I was determined there had to be a better way. Why couldn't I make it my business to help men really become the kinds of lovers they truly wanted to be? Simulating an imaginary experience to (hopefully) get them off as quickly as possible, and allowing them to remain stagnate boring lovers did not appeal to me. How could I, in good conscience, pretend it was fun to indulge sexual habits that were making it impossible for me to truly enjoy myself?
"They pay me to deceive them!" was never my motto.
Masochistic conditioning and paying prostitutes to pretend that pain is pleasurable has diminished man's capacity to differentiate between sexual agony and sexual ecstasy. Women quickly learn that moaning will turn men on and get them off rapidly. The matter is complicated further by when there is a sense of entitlement and duty to perform.
I was once married for three and a half long miserable years. We were both miserable because we were not sexually compatible. I would have gladly paid someone else to have sex with him, or encouraged him to do so, if we could have afforded it. If someone could have taught him how to slow down and infuse his “love-making” style with tenderness and sensitivity, we might have been able to save our marriage. There was nothing I wanted more than for him to connect with me in a way that would make it possible for me to have an orgasm too. Unfortunately he was hooked on pornography and angry because I didn't act like a porn star and pretending that I was enjoying myself to enhance his pleasure.
After getting a divorce I swore I'd never commit to another man without establishing that we were sexually compatible first. After numerous disappointing one night stands, I quickly realized there was nothing in it for me except a sore vagina and sheet to wash. My lovers were all having orgasms. I was not.
In time I began to wonder how many of the men who patronized my services over the years, went home and smugly placing all the blame on their wives for the lack of intimacy in their relationships. While both men and women share the responsibility of making sex wonderful, the onus is on a man to learn how to make love in a way that inspires a woman to feel trust, confidence, passio and desire. After years of accommodating for money, I wanted to educate men and teach them how to become inspiring lovers. I was worried that the wives of the men I was serving would never be able to surrender and enjoy themselves unless I did something that could help men and women to inspire each other through intimate connection. I didn’t want to keep bandaging men’s egos and letting the wounds under the bandages fester. I wanted to be part of a solution, instead of perpetuating the problem. There needs to be a paradigm shift in human sexual consciousness and I wanted to help facilitate it.
Mankind’s desperation for great sex is beyond obvious. They will file for divorce and threaten to put women out of business for refusing to pretend to enjoy an experience that could not be enjoyable by any stretch of the imagination, at least not in my opinion. I was disgusted and determined to make a difference if I could. It seemed to me that if I could teach men how to become better lovers, and help them assume responsibility for truly making sex mutually satisfying, I would be making the world a better place. And that would be a lot better than enabling the world of men to maintain the pitifully impoverished human sexual condition by means of threat and coercion. Who could possibly be more capable of helping a man become a better lover than someone who knows him intimately enough, and has the patience to endure his ineptitude? So I set out to reinvent myself by developing an adult sex education curriculum that included eight lessons in loving along with some sensual sensitivity exercises.
I didn’t expect to have a lot of business, but I knew I would feel better about myself if I could figure out a way to do my work and keep my integrity intact. I expected to make a lot less money. But I was a willing to sacrifice some income for the safety and security and peace of mind. Much to my surprise the moment I placed an ad that said “Sexual Healing” I began to get way more calls than I had ever gotten when I placed ads insinuating that my services were of a profane nature. I will never forget the first time I turned off the music and taught while I gave a massage, instead of working in silence. I had taped a list of talking points on my wall. When the session was over, I asked my customer, “Well how do you like my new Bull Shit sessions? Do you want me to turn the music back on and keep my mouth shut next time you come see me?” He put his hands on my shoulders and said, “Don’t you ever call it Bull Shit again! If I had known all this ten years ago I wouldn’t be divorced right now!” Then he reached in his pocket, pulled out twice as much money as he had ever paid me, and handed it to me. I knew I was onto something very important and I began to expand my curriculum began.
It wasn’t long before I began to get letters from both my customers and their lovers. Men were telling me stories about how much my lessons in loving had changed their lives and their relationships. I was working harder, but I was working smarter. I worked to perfect a method of screening for people who were sincere and safe. Having a curriculum added value to the service I was offering. In addition to being able to charge more, there were a whole lot of people contacting me, who were telling me they were just window shoppers who had never made an appointment with anyone before. But they felt safe making an appointment with me because my ad was different than all the others.
Differentiating myself by advertising that I included both healing and educational components interested a more conservative respectful clientele that was much easier to work with than the kind of men who are determined to bully and bull doze women into doing whatever they want and pretending they are having fun, whether they really are, or not. People began to call me a “Sex Coach.” Before developing a curriculum and advertising therapeutic services, I was getting about 4-5 inquiries per day.
After re-identifying myself as an adult sex education professional, I began receiving 15-20 inquiries per day. The quality of my clientele increased exponentially. The time I spent in private with my customers was a lot more enjoyable, when they were sincere. I quickly learned to be cautious of people with a "wink wink" attitude. The more I refined my screening techniques, the more I learned how to identify men who were sincere about wanting to learn something. People began to leave with more respect. I had more respect for them too, and for myself.
I began to enjoy my work much more when I started advertising things that were both ethical and legal. Much to my surprise and good fortune there were a whole lot more people interested in making an appointment with me. I am sure that all service providers can do the same. I am sure risk averse customers will heave a sigh of relief when this begins to happen. I am 62 years old with a youthful countenance. Sex work in one form or fashion has been my primary source of income for 43 years. My customers are always asking if I know of anybody else, who also does what I do for a living, that I can recommend.
But I am not interested in becoming a madam again. What I would like to do is inspire other independent service providers to develop their own curriculum and offer the kinds of services that the community at large can appreciate and respect and be grateful for. I would like to help others become teachers of intimate wisdom and sexual healers. My intention is to encourage those who are interested in helping other experience more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationships. This is a social experiment. I believe it is possible to make more money by choosing to be more selective, and offering ethical services. You will also be helping to make the world a better place. I offer you support and encouragement.